The End is Nigh and We’re All Doomed
Zombies are my worst fear, ever. I truly dread feeling cold, clammy hands seizing me and dragging me backwards, because I know that within seconds broken and rotted teeth will sink into my neck and belly. Then I’ll die slowly of evisceration.
Now, I know that this isn’t probable, but apparently enough of zombie lore is rooted in science that – with enough help from modern research and technology – it might be possible.
July 8, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Thank god I got a Twitter account.
July 8, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Thank God you are retarded so you can die in the first wave and this world can be rid of you.
July 8, 2008 at 7:48 pm
i kinda think if theres a zombie outbreak and it starts spreading, we’ll know about it somehow. or if we dont, and some fucker somes running/spitting blood/shambling/biting at me, ill defend myself at least a little bit, and long enough to realize its a fucking zombie and switch my life to video game mode.
July 9, 2008 at 12:13 pm
You guys do realize that when the Zombies come, all technology and infrastructure will suddenly collapse. This makes your “communicate via Flikr, or whatever” plan sort of obsolete.
As for making an example for Chimp’s clients, though, nothing tops this.
July 9, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Of course, given the amount of time you all spend zoned out in front of your CRT’s, why are you worrying? It seems to me your souls are owned already…but at least you are not (as far as I know) waving your red butts around in the air…
July 9, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Oops, that last post makes no sense if I don’t post the previous one, which I thought I did but it’s nowhere to be found. See, Mother Nature has figured out the soul-ownage thing long ago. She can even turn you into…fruit. But only if you’re an ant.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080116142805.htm
You get possessed, your butt turns red, you wave it around, and you get eaten. What a finish.
July 9, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Psh, like any of us are noob enough to have CRTs. You should tell science to hurry up and invent a zombie cure.
In other news, I hate parasites. Ew.
July 9, 2008 at 10:55 pm
LCD for the win.
July 10, 2008 at 8:04 am
Microbes are going to take over everything in the end anyway, so who cares? They already comprise 90% of the cells you carry around with you. So in some sense you’re a zombie already, since you are not in control of your own cellular makeup. LCD or no.
July 10, 2008 at 9:23 am
I’m still trying to figure out how all tech is going to fall apart when a zombie outbreak occurs. Like will it be able to self maintain itself over a prolonged amount of time without maintenance? No, but to suddenly fall apart like a Gremlin that got rear ended? No. Jess, Becky, Jon and Myself will be the first to know there’s a zombie attack and share the info cause we Twitter. And that’s the new first line of defense against Zombies. Either change with the times or become brain food.
July 11, 2008 at 12:30 am
http://www.absolutepunk.net/showthread.php?t=399891
Rejoice, brother. You have definition.
July 11, 2008 at 11:39 am
Pfft. Don’t label me.
July 11, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Ok chimp.
1) Gov’t is going to disable the internet to prevent the flow of information about a zombie outbreak so they can cover it up and save their own asses.
2) Since so fucking idiot with a twitter decided to cry wolf about the zombie outbreak everyone from now on is just going to think it is loljoax and post shit like “Goes and get shot gun lol” and then guess what happens next BRAINFOOD. This is why twitter is still stupid, it has no benefits and all it is, is glorified text messaging for internet idiots and self important bloggers.
July 15, 2008 at 2:54 pm
“Gov’t is going to disable the internet to prevent the flow of information about a zombie outbreak so they can cover it up and save their own asses.”
. . .what really throws me. Is you think the government can actually shut down “teh internetwebs” It’s not a singular box, that they can just unplug and it’s gone. And even if they could try and shut down every major US server provider. Dont you think that man power would be better used fighting off the Zombie horde. Instead of some goofball social networking site?
July 16, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I just remembered why I’m going to own post Zombocalypse and you are all going to die. I’ve been training.
http://zombiedefense.org/main/weapon_reviews/punch_dragon.html
July 17, 2008 at 7:56 am
what really bothers me is the mental image of Cian in a Gi and Harley Davidson bandanna around his head like Donald Gib in Bloodsport. It’s not that it’s a disturbing in that it’s odd. It’s disturbing because I can see him in his back yard jumping in circles screaming Sho-Ryu-Ken.
July 18, 2008 at 5:07 pm
The Government won’t shut down “the Internet” itself. Instead, they’ll shut down every power grid in the United States, thus cutting you off from the Internet.